It’s 1:52AM on my side of the world. And yet I can’t sleep. Been having insomnia attacks lately. I think given the events for these past few days, it was bound to happen. I still can’t forgive myself of losing my backpack, you know. More than the actual monetary value of the things I lost, what I really can’t let go is losing all of my files. 7 years worth of work files plus about 9 years worth of photos. And most of all, losing Z’s first 4 months of photos and videos.
Trivia: For Z’s first 3 months, I’ve had about 4,000+ photos and about 300+ video clips. Not everything was uploaded in Facebook or YouTube. :'( I was saving those photos for his first birthday AVP. *Sigh*
Knowing myself, it will be a long, long time before I will be able to really let that go.
One more week before my little angel travels back with me to the big metro for his monthly eye check up. I am planning to let him stay there with me for about two weeks then we’ll come home the day before his dedication. That way, I can at least save on bus fare. I hope my sister would agree though. If not, I am not so sure what to do.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before so I’ll say it now. I have high respect for Moms who work abroad, leaving their babies with their relatives and trusting them to take care of their kids. It takes guts to do that. I don’t know where they get their strength to endure the long distance, the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of wanting to watch their kids grow but can’t do it because they have to work elsewhere and all that. I am lucky that I get to see my son on the weekends and see him online via Skype on weekdays but still, for me, it is not enough.
Being a working mom, but if I could have my way, I’d rather that my son is with me to come home to, to take care of after work, to wake up to in the morning (or afternoon). I want to be there every single day for him. But right now, I din’t think it is feasible. I seriously envy those parents that get to see their kids everyday. And it really pisses me off to see and know that some parents take that for granted. Life is quite unfair. Well, it is, in fact, unfair.
Oh, well. I guess I’ll end this here for now. I never thought that this would again turn into another rant so I’d rather end it here before I go further. Okay, I need to stop ranting.