I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately. I know, I know, I should just let things go and get some sleep before the sun rises again. But hey, sometimes, I can’t help it. I think about everything and nothing. I think about possibilities, make plans, set goals and other what-nots.
Well, this activity occupies my so-called idle times of the day (whenever that is).
Just some of the things that I’ve been thinking about lately:
– I’m still trying so hard to come up with a balance between being a career woman and a mom. When people tell you this is not easy, believe me, it is true. Especially if your job demands to use majority of your brain cells 8-10 hours a day on the average. You go home feeling drained but you can’t sleep. Nope, not right away. Start saying hello to insomnia.
– My little Z has been with me for the past two weeks now and it is his last week here in the big metro with me. By the end of next week, I will be bringing him back home to the mountain city. Within the past two weeks, my son has grown. He got heavier (I think), he got longer (I think), he shouts and yells louder now. Wakes me up almost every morning, too. LOL! Once I bring him back home, I am so going to miss my bedmate. I co-sleep with my son and it makes it so easy for me to pick him up and hug him before I sleep. He is growing so fast. He’s turning six months this weekend.
– I have been a mom for 6 months now. And still counting. Quite a lot of things I learned for the past 6 months (I’ll try to find some time to write something about this in the next few days). My life drastically changed. And is still changing. I’m not saying that I don’t want it nor am I saying that I am regretting it. It’s just that sometimes, it is so hard to cope with the changes given that they are happening quite so fast and so soon. It’s as if someone’s shooting at you from all directions and you have to make sure that you dodge all the bullets all the while making sure that the bowl of water on your head remains on your head without spilling. Well, I’m not sure I made sense back there, but I guess you get the point.
– I’m in the red. Well, I’ve been in the red before but this time, I think I am in the red red. (Or do you say darker red for emphasis?). I need to get back in the black. The sooner, the better. Well, the sooner that happens, the more relaxed I will be. Being in the red sometimes adds to my stress level, especially when I think about it too much. So I try not to think about it. But when I get that payroll and see how much I’ve got, my head turns to an excel sheet and starts mentally jotting down the needs and the budget for each. Stressful, indeed.
– Now, I rarely watch TV. I think it started a couple of years ago when I started working a lot more hours than what was healthy. I don’t know what is new nowadays and I don’t even know the music nowadays. Although I have a feeling that music now is still, well, nonsense.
– Two years after the hype, I just now got hooked to Game of Thrones. Geez! I’m done up until episode 7 of season 2, if I am not mistaken. Good thing season 4 is still for release. I have time to catch up. LOL!
– I’m bored. So bored. I want a trip with my son but commuting using public transport to anywhere, especially here in the big metro is something that I need to be really cautious about. Makes me want to go back in time and just got a brand new car instead. I do remember that I had enough for a down payment for a brand new car that time. Only, I didn’t want brand new. I wanted a good-quality, used car. And to pay cash for it. Oh well. That’s neither here nor there now. Have to start from scratch. Yet again. For the nth time. Seriously.
– I miss my margarita. And my bestfriend Miguel (a.k.a San Mig Lights) and I miss the bars and I miss the night outs. I haven’t had a night out since forever, feels like it. A glass of margarita or a bottle or two of beer and I think I’m good. Oh well. Not something easy to do when you have a kid to think about and care about. Which reminds me and brings me to the next point.
– I need to come up with a list of rules that I need to follow especially when I’m with little Z. For example, no overtimes at work (if at all possible, and it is workable) to make time for the little one. And so on and so forth. I have to make sure that I spend as much quality time with the little boy as possible while he is still young. I really don’t want to miss his childhood.
– With that said, I realized that my sister spends more time with my little boy than I do. She knows more about him now than I do. Although I know that my little angel knows me, sometimes it feels so unfair when someone else knows your kid more than you do.