I’ve been told a long time ago that 3AM is the time when we are most vulnerable. Recently, I’ve seen this pass by my Facebook newsfeed, too. Well, it must be true.
Being the nocturnal person that I am, being asleep at 3AM is rare for me. Working the night shift for so long screwed up my body clock, I guess. Now that I work the mid-shift, I still find myself awake at this hour. By the time I get home at around midnight until the wee hours in the morning is what I consider my quiet time. It is during these hours that I let go of the reigns and let my mind wander and wonder and worry and think. I let go of that tight hold I have on my thoughts during the day so I could accomplish a few things at work and make quick decisions, too, and let all kinds of thoughts run through my head.
Sometimes I find good ideas, sometimes I think about the what-ifs and the what-will-bes, I think about lining my ducks in a row, I berate myself for not being up to par in terms of trying to achieve goals, I scold myself for being a scatterbrain at times, I spend time thinking about my worries, my fears, my hindrances. Sometimes, I also let myself feel all the pain I feel, emotionally and physically. And sometimes I cry.
These times are also the time that I let myself dream. Dream of better things to happen in life, dream of happy-ever-afters, of rainbows and butterflies. LOL! If stars are visible in my side of the world, I would probably be losing myself staring at the sky trying to figure out what the stars are telling me.
The wee hours of the morning is not such a conducive time to make plans. Rather, it is a good time to let everything out in the open, laying out all your cards and trying to sort things out. Come the morning, it will then be a good time to make plans and to slowly put those plans into actions.
For now, I let myself feel the pain. A pain that goes soul-deep. A pain that cannot be seen during the day. Something that has been tightly reigned in for as long as I can hold it back. *Sigh*
Oh well. I think I’ll just dream of getting a massage. Hopefully that would help. 😛