I am not sure if I spelled that correctly but that is an Ilocano term meaning to grow or for growth. Something to that effect.

This word got stuck in my head the whole day. You see,  last Tuesday, I celebrated my birthday. Wednesday night, after Z’s pedia-cardio appointment, I had to send his nanny home for medical reasons. Nothing contagious or anything. His nanny had to immediately see her OB for a scheduled D&C, I believe. So today is the beginning of my being yaya-less, so to speak.

It has been a busy day. I had to wake up early to cook Z’s food, feed him, bathe him, take a bath myself, fix our stuff (making sure that I bring everything we need) before leaving for a 10 AM appointment at Philippine Children’s Medical Center for Z’s 2d-echo. That is about 10km away from the house. We arrived at PCMC at almost half past 10AM due to heavy traffic. The doctor arrived at 11:30AM so we had an hour to wait.

Backtracking for a moment. When Z was about three months’ old, we found out that he has a small hole in his heart – ASD or atrial septal defect. It was not something to be really concerned about since the hole closes on its own. Earlier’s finding is that Z still has a 4.5mm hole. No medication was provided and it is still not much of a big concern for now. However, a repeat 2d-echo needs to be done after one year to check if the hole will completely close.

Right after, we then had to rush to St Lukes for another scheduled appointment. This time, it is with a development pedia. Do you know that it is so hard to schedule an appointment with a dev-pedia? It takes months before you can get an appointment. We got lucky that we were able to get a schedule within this month.

While I already have an inkling of what the delays my son has to catch up on, hearing it from a doctor is quite crushing. The assessment? My son’s development is for 7-8 months old. Z is already 22.5 months. Apart from that, he is within the autism spectrum. He may or may not have it. It is still early to tell.

Given the assessment, we have to work doubly hard for Z to catch up on his development before his birthday. How am I supposed to teach him to say 50 words in a month’s time? #overwhelmed

It is my fault that he has not been hitting his milestones that well. 😥 I have to start prioritizing my son’s welfare more so he can catch up.

It rained this afternoon as well. Good thing we were able to get a ride from the hospital. I decided to drop by the office to pick up something first before going home. The usual half an hour to 45 minute-ride took us about an hour and a half due to very heavy traffic. Cars were barely moving. Z and I took a nap while the driver ate finished off his snack. 😁 It took us another 30 minutes of waiting for a ride home and about 30 minutes transit time (for a 10-minute or less drive on normal days).

So we got home, I fed Z, bathed him (yes, he takes a bath twice whenever he’s here in the big metro), had a Skype session with my Mom before putting Z to bed. Then I had to fix food for myself, too, since I had barely eaten the whole day. I had to fix Z’s stuff, clean the house a bit, wash Z’s bottles and food containers, wash the dishes before taking a quick shower myself.

Doing all those things on my own without any help is very, very exhausting. Good thing that Z never threw a tantrum the whole day, too. Still, it is hard. I don’t know how others do this, to be honest.

So, going back to the word, pagdakkelan. This word got stuck in my head because since I turned a year older, I feel like I have been dealing with real grown up problems – deciding to send off the nanny on the basis oh her health, bringing Z to doctor’s appointments all alone, taking care the whole day. It kind of makes me feel like I am growing up. Maybe this is a turning point of mt life. Or maybe, life is just pushing me to be more matured. Or something.

Oh well.

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