I came home about an hour and a half ago from a long day at work. And when I say long day, I meant about 13 hours long. And I am tired. But my brain’s still way too active for bedtime. You see, I have been working the graveyard shift for almost 8 years and then alternated from graveyard shift to midshift and back. For the past few months though, I have been in the midshift, extending into the wee hours in the morning depending on the need. And trust me when I say that 13 hours used to be my normal working hours for the past few years.
This week until next, I will be on the day shift. Meaning I will be living the lives of the “normal” people – wake up early, go to work in the morning, finish by early evening then go home and have dinner then off to bed. Although I have a problem with that kind of shift. I think I forgot the concept of sleeping early. LOL! Sleeping early for me means sleeping before the sun comes out.
But then again, that is not what I really wanted to talk about. For several months now I have been wanting to write something about how my life is changing from being the workaholic, work-hard-play-harder type of person to becoming a working Mom. It isn’t really an easy transition. I have been living the lifestyle of a single professional (haha!) for the longest time and suddenly becoming a Mom made me have to quickly adjust that lifestyle to something a little bit tamer, so to speak. The transition is not easy but I am not complaining. 🙂
Before I got pregnant, I work for about 12-16 hours a day. I rarely go home to the mountain city (unlike my first few years in the big metro that I go crazy if I didn’t go home at least once in a month), I spend my weekends at the mall with friends or out drinking with them during the nights. Or sometimes, I go out alone and have coffee until late night. I buy expensive clothes when I feel like it and even treat friends to coffee when I just want some company. I buy groceries even when I still have stocks that will last me about two months and more often than not, I spend more on dining out just because I didn’t feel like cooking. And I sleep whenever I want to and sleep for as long as I want to on lazy days.
When I became a Mom, my night outs turn to night ins with my son. Idle times spent sitting in a coffee shop watching people around is now spent playing and just basically taking care of my son. The so-called budget that I used to have to spend on expensive clothes have been spent on baby clothes and gears. Expensive dine outs are very seldom and dining in is now becoming a norm. Money spent on dine outs is now spent on baby formula and baby food. Long hours at work is now being cut down to a maximum of 12 hours a day so that more time can be spent with my son (especially when he is here with me in the big metro). Sleep became a luxury, especially during the first few months of my son. Now, I think I am turning into an insomniac. 😛 No more bar hopping at nights or even margaritas during day time. Whenever I am in the mountain city with my son or he is with me in the big metro, I try to ensure that the places we go are kid-friendly places.
These are just a few things that are the most obvious adjustments I’ve gone through. I am still in the learning process, though. Especially in terms of spending. I still have to curb my impulsiveness when shopping especially for baby clothes. My priorities are still a bit unstable but my son is already there at top 1. Devil-may-care attitude has now given way to second and third thoughts before making a decision.
I feel like my life has slowed down a bit since I had little Z. I think this is a good sign since I was living the fast lane before. And I think I was already at the point of getting burnt out hence the powers that be decided that I need to slow down. LOL!
There are times that I feel lost, though. So many questions – am I doing the right thing? Is my decision going to be helpful for my little boy in the long run? Am I being a good mom to my son? – and all those kinds of questions. I guess everyone goes through that phase and yet at the end of the day, we just try to wing it with our fingers and toes crossed, hoping and praying that we are at the right path in raising our kids.
I guess, when it comes to motherhood, there is no textbook approach. We listen to our Moms, relatives and other people give advises on how to raise our kids but at the end of the day, we are still the ones who get to have the final say on how to raise them. And we do this by learning from other people and by trusting our instincts.
As for me, in a nutshell, here’s my take on motherhood:
It is not the easiest “job” in the world. You become a superwoman trying to do everything all at once. It changes how you view life in general, it makes you vulnerable because you wear your heart out on your sleeve, it makes you mushy (mushier even), it wrecks havoc to your so-called order of things but at the end of the day, being a Mom makes you realize that there indeed are miracles and they come in small packages that only gets bigger by the day.
I am loving being a Mom to my little Z. <3