I go back to work today. And I actually don’t know how I feel at this moment. I think I am having mixed emotions. Yes, I have mixed emotions about going back to the real world.
It feels like it was just yesterday when I started my maternity leave. And it seems like it was just yesterday when I was impatiently waiting for my son to arrive. And it seemed like it was just yesterday when I actually met him in person. I can still remember the anticipation of his arrival, the excitement, the impatience.
Sixty days has come and gone in a blink of an eye. It seems too short a time to really get to know my son and to spend time with him before the real world comes knocking.
Ah, the real world. I have always been a workaholic. I used to spend up to 16 hours at work and I enjoy every minute of it. Work-hard-play-harder was the life that I lived. My play time will be allotted to my son from now on, there’s no question about that. I am only getting worried that once I get back to work and settle within my routine that I will go back to the up-to-16-hour habit. I easily lose track of time when I am doing something. And given that my son is still staying with me, I have to be vigilant about keeping time at work and ensure that I get home on time to be able to spend time with my son.
Kids grow up so fast. My son is turning two months next week already and sometimes I have to ask myself, where have all the days gone by? It flew by so fast, it seems. He has done very well in terms of development sans the weight gain which is already catching up with his age.
Zaine actually is a puzzle to me sometimes. Based on the things I’ve ready about pregnancy and babies and what I have been told for the past few months, newborns don’t have tears when they cry until they turn about 4 months (if I remember correctly). My son shed tears when he cried on his second day of life. He has been turning his head from side to side when he sleeps starting on his third day of life and started carrying his own head as well (which was quite scary that I had to hold his head back down before he injured himself).
He recognized his music in utero – well, I can say that he does because when I played the song to him the first time, he stopped wiggling and listened to the song. During his first confinement on his first week, while lying on his stomach under the bililights, he suddenly pushed one leg and moved himself forward in the bassinet. My sister and I were watching him that time and we were surprised. Starting his second week, he would stretch himself then turns himself to his side and sleep that way.
For the past few weeks as well, my son has slowly started showing his own personality. He has a very soft and soothing voice when he cries (which is no cry at all, really) but when he starts demanding, you can feel the command in his voice. Silly, I know, but it’s true. He also loves the attention. He can sense when he is not the topic of the people around him, he cries. And he loves conversations. He loves being talked to when he’s awake. And since he’s starting to like the sound of his own voice, he starts to coo back in response. He smiles a lot and he quietly giggles more in his sleep, too. Oh, and if I am impatient, my son is impatient as well. Yikes!
Anyway, if only it would be possible to be a work-at-home Mom, maybe I would grab that opportunity for the next few months. At least until he is about six months old. That way, I will witness a lot of his firsts. Given that my son’s development very fast, the thought that I would be missing a lost of his firsts breaks my heart. But then, I guess those are the sacrifices that we have to make as working single parents.
Time flew by so fast. Time to go back to the real world and the sooner I go back, the easier it will be to settle within the routine. I guess it’s time to wear the working hat once more. I hope it still fits, though.