It’s been almost a week and a half since I left the little boy back home in the mountain city for his 2-week vacation. The house has been feeling empty and lonely since then.

A week before we traveled home, I have been telling Z that he will be spending time with his Mama Nana and Uncle Reis. I told him that he will get to enjoy a cooler weather, too. So when the time came that we needed to go, he got too clingy and didn’t want to let Mommy go. He didn’t even want to go with his nanny while we were on the bus going home. The only time he went with her was when we reached Baguio and made a segue to eat before heading home. But as soon as we reached home, he didn’t want to go with my Mom, not even for a short walk. It was just Mommy for him. He didn’t want to be carried by anyone else and he only stayed close to me. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without him throwing a fit when I step away.

At first, I thought it was just because he was adjusting to his new environment. The house got rearranged too, so I thought he was trying to get accustomed to it again. Comes the next day, it was still the same. It was Mothers’ Day and the family went swimming. He only wanted two things that day: swimming and Mommy. LOL!

I initially decided that I will travel back to the big metro on Monday morning. However, given the fits of Z, I realized that I have to leave late night Sunday once he’s asleep so it won’t be so hard to leave him the next day. It was really hard putting him down after he fell asleep. Had he not been too tired from the day’s events, he would have probably grabbed me and held on when I started to put him down.

I’ve been a long distance mom for about two years. I am a single mom working in the big metro soI had to leave my son with my family in the mountain city. I’ve been going home on the weekends to spend time with the little boy. Then I come back and work during the weekdays. That was the set up that we had until February of this year when I was able to get a full-time nanny willing to stay in the big metro.

For the past three months, I got used to coming home to see my son asleep in my room and waking up to his kicks and slaps and big grins just for me. So when the time came that I have to leave him with my family again, it was not really easy. Even Z didn’t feel so excited to be left home.

While my son may be non-verbal and has development delays, I do believe he has high EQ. He knew and felt that he will be left in an “unfamiliar” environment and won’t see Mommy.  So he tried, in his own way, to make sure that I will be there. My son felt separation anxiety for the very first time. I still get that whenever I have to leave him, too.  I don’t think that feeling really leaves you once you become a Mom. And no matter how grown up your kids may get, if and when they leave on their own, you just want to go back to that time when you can just carry them and cuddle them and not let them go.

I just can’t wait for this week to end so I can go see my son and bring him home with me.


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