Before I became a Mom, I thought that the most difficult time in my life was when I lost my Dad. Before that, I thought that the most difficult time was getting the job that I really want (well, ideal job, that is. Then reality came knocking. Haha!).
All that faded when I became a Mom and the excitement and joy I’ve felt as a first time Mom was immediately snuffed out of me when I had to rush my son to the emergency room at just 4 days old then again at three weeks old.
During my son’s first month, we were at the hospital longer than we were at home. Instead of enjoying my time being a Mom to my son, I started to dread it because I felt that I was the cause why my son was sick. The whole experience was a nightmare.
I almost lost it when my son was confined the second time because he was failing to thrive. He was breastfed and he was feeding well (from what I knew back then) but for some reason, he was losing weight. Had my Mom not urged me make a decision to confine my little Z, I would have probably lost him.
It was a nightmare, really. And I would say it again. That first month was a nightmare. I didn’t have any idea if my son would make it but he was fighting. And I could he how he fought. So, no matter how hard it was, I had to fight with him. Until I was about to fight with one of his doctors. Learning that he wasn’t confident that my son would make it that time made me all the more determined to ensure that my son thrives. And he did.
At the end of the day, I guess the most difficult times I’ve had way back became trivial. Losing a parent is how the cycle of life goes. I guess it is easily more accepted that a parent is gone as we know that somehow, they have lived a fulfilled life. But losing a child? I was close to losing my son. Until now, I could not forget the more-than-awful feeling I’ve had back then. It felt like you are being gutted so many times and even if you give up and turn away, that void left in you could never be filled.
I am just so glad that my son and I surpassed all that. 🙂