Of “Love” and Self-Preservation…

As much as possible, I would like to keep this blog strictly about my journey into motherhood. However, I guess this is one topic that I just couldn’t help but write about. You see, I don’t want to post my opinions about love and relationship because for one, I am a commitment-phobic person and really, I am no expert about this topic (but I have lots of opinions about it 😀 )

Anyway, I have this friend who is currently going through rough times with her partner. The thing is, the issues they have been fighting about every single time are the same things that they have been fighting about for the longest time. And of course, with every relationship fights and arguments, once everything calms down, you both sit down and talk about it and try to resolve things. Things will go smoothly for quite sometime afterwards then one thing will trigger the hot button and everything will go back to square one.

Sounds familiar to some, maybe? Trust me when I say that I wouldn’t know this first hand since I haven’t really been in a “relationship” per se. But I have heard this scenario from a lot of people (several of my friends included) over and over again.

Being the logical me (sorry for not being the emotional person in this instance because I think my answer will still be the same), if the problem is recurring and no matter what resolution you come up with and it just doesn’t work, I guess it is time to reassess your situation. See if there are things that you need to change within you and once you got that figured out, make a list of what you think needs to be changed in your relationship. Then from there, get your partner’s point of view as well then make a compromise then both parties have to stand by it. If you really want to make the relationship work.

This is how I view a relationships (man-woman relationship, that is). It takes hard work to make it work and to make it last. It is not about your expectations being met but it is about meeting your partner’s expectations and vice versa. It is a give and take situation. You do not enter a relationship to just keep on taking. That is taking advantage. You do not enter a relationship to be treated like a queen or king (yet you treat your partner like a commoner). It takes 100% commitment from both parties to make it work. It is not something that you force into your partner. It has to be consensus. It is not just about having fun together. It is about going through life, regardless of the situation – whether good or bad, together and enjoying the company of each other through the course of the journey.

Now here’s another thing. Love is not just an emotion. It is a decision. All those sappy love songs about love being a feeling, an emotion, is wrong. Yes, those sappy love songs make you feel gooey and all that but, come on, let’s face it, at the end of the day, when you say you love a person, you have just made the decision that you will love that person regardless of who he is, what he is, or who he will be. You do not say you love a person so you can change him/her though. You cannot change a person. You can only change yourself. When you love someone, you decide to accept the imperfect things about that person but at the same time, what you represent will compliment what the other has. That’s how it makes the relationship “whole”. What the other lacks, you provide and vice versa. You fill each other. You feel each other. It is not about what one wants. It is about what both of you wants.

So, what if a relationship is no longer working because the issues encountered are the same over and over and over and over again? Then I guess it is time to make a decision. Make a stand. Stay in a relationship that’s going nowhere and lose yourself in the middle of it all to the point that you no longer know who you really are? Or are you going to preserve what’s left of you and break away from your so-called relationship? At the end of the day, nobody can tell you what to do. The decision falls on you yourself.

If you think that the relationship is still repairable, then go ahead and make it work. Talk it out with your partner what you see is wrong, but also be honest to admit your own mistakes. Ask your partner the same questions. Then talk it over. Decide if both of you still want to make it work. If not, well, that’s going to be the more difficult discussion. But at the end of the day, make sure that you have been honest to yourself and to your partner. So that if things doesn’t work out, you still have a bit of yourself preserved (with probably minor scratches to be fixed) and you won’t be stuck with all the what-ifs that you would never be able to answer no matter what you do.

And please, my friends, when you speak the words “I want a break up” (or something similar), make sure that you can really do it.


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