I’ve been stressing myself out for the past few months now, it seems. Small, irrelevant things that I shouldn’t be giving the time of day but for some reason, those small stuff occupied a large part of my daily thoughts. I’ve been out of focus, not at-par with my standard in terms of my job performance (I deliver somehow, but I am not satisfied with how I’ve done it), I’ve been procrastinating on some things, and my writing sucks for quite some time. (Yep, I kinda noticed that).
Breathe-in-breathe-out technique sometimes doesn’t do its job any longer. It seems that I am always trying to run after something that always elude my reach. I wake up tired, I end my day tired, everything seems to be such a boring routine. I try to regroup but get suck back into the merry-go-round of whatever. I can’t even describe it.
Sometimes I do think that I am depressed. You know that feeling of being suffocated by all the things around you? I’m kinda feeling that. But more often than not, I think I just need a vacation. I need some time alone to think, to plan, to set my goals straight, and to come up with a strategy to achieve those goals. I need time to breathe. Really breathe. And let go of all the things that are bothering me.
There are times that I look back at my life and think, did I achieve anything relevant in the last decade that I can be proud of? Maybe a few, I am not sure. Or probably I am just setting such high expectations of myself, so high that I myself cannot achieve it. I guess that’s one.
One thing’s clear to me, though: I need to step away from my own chaotic mind and assess the damage I’ve done (well, figuratively). I think I can salvage some and work my way to setting those pieces of the puzzle straight. I just need to find the time to do so…