The year that was…

So… here we are again… The last day of the year (on my side of the world, that is). And looking back, this was indeed the year that was. So many things happened, so many lessons learned. So many discoveries as well. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel that it was just a year that has gone by. It felt a lot longer.

As is my own tradition, here’s my recap of this year’s what-nots (not that I posted all my yearly recaps):

January:

– So many things happened this month. A very unexpected and surprising news on the first day of the year (which until  now is something that boggles me when I am reminded of it). A separation of ways due to irreconcilable differences (which I would say I’m sad to witness, sort of). A family reunion on one side of the family that we never really got to know. And, well, the month when my world turned upside down, inside out,  rolling over and under to the point of self-recrimination. Well, it was the start of my very own unexpected  journey. It was a chaotic month to be honest. A moment of panic, confusion, indecisiveness, then eventually, resolve. Plans suddenly had to be changed due to circumstances.

February:

– I really can’t remember much of what happened this month. All I could remember was that I just wanted the month to end. For some reason, it is the shortest month in terms of number of days but it feels like it is the longest month of the year. Processed my social security ID (finally, because I needed it). Was too busy with work given my chaotic state of mind. This was the month that it finally sank in that I was going to have a baby.

March:

– Hmmm… Towards the end of this month, I started processing my visa for Netherlands due to business needs. Another month that I couldn’t really remember the happenings. There were lots of disappointments during this month but I couldn’t really remember what it was about. A stressful month at work, too.

April:

– Singapore travel was cancelled due to more urgent need to go to Netherlands. Spent the whole work week in Ede then the weekend in Amsterdam. I really enjoyed Amsterdam. And I thought I could no longer be shocked but for some reason, I think I got culture-shocked by what I’ve seen along the Red Light District. It was a short trip but it was fun (well, after all my complaints because I needed to learn and absorb a lot of the processes immediately). Work was stressful during this month too due to the system transition and process realignment and other what-nots that the project required. I do remember my sister coming over as well. Got her her new phone for her birthday, too. 😛

May:

– My long-awaited Palawan travel. It was something that I booked last November, a few days after my Dad’s cremation. I was so bored and so out of focus that I did the first thing I saw – purchased a trip to Palawan for two but only booked myself for it. It was supposedly an April trip but got postponed due to business needs. So, I went to Palawan on my own, met a few acquaintances, explored the underground river (well, joined the tour rather haha!). It was also my first time to travel solo for a vacation. The experience was good. I think I can go on a vacation internationally on my own now. Haha! On second thought, I’ll be tagging my son along for the ride next time. 😛  Company’s summer outing was scheduled this month too. I was going on my fifth month of pregnancy as well.

June:

– A godson’s birthday party, a surprisingly good news from a friend (a new addition to the group), a new work group. I think this was the transition month for me, both personally and professionally. It was the month when I mostly doubted my own capabilities as an individual. Lots of questions were asked, but no answers were given.

July:

– Turned another year of life. Spent it alone in Tagaytay. Tried to reflect on my life decisions that I’ve made so far. I do remember feeling stressed out with work – I didn’t know how much I need to endorse, what to endorse and how to manage my life all in all in the next coming months. I think the highlight for this month is my new bed. Hahaha!

August:

– I was on my last few weeks of pregnancy. A surprise baby shower at work (which touched me since I never really announced my pregnancy. I’m a workaholic so I will explain it next time why I didn’t make a big announcement), baby stuff as gift from work colleagues abroad arrived, filed my maternity leave, and the arrival of my precious baby boy.

September:

– This was a month full of nightmares and tears. It was the month when I was tested to the point of breaking to pieces. Two hospital confinements of my baby, unexpected diagnoses, too many doctors, too many tears. For the first time in a long, long time, I felt incompetent as a person. I’d rather forget the events of this month but I guess what happened then was part of how I have grown in the past few months.

October:

– A whole different set of doctors for my baby, discouraging lab works, more tears and self-recrimination, I think I blamed myself this month more than I have blamed myself in years. This was the month when most of the rollercoaster events happened. I reported back to work as well after 2 months of maternity leave. It was so hard to leave my baby for work. This was the month when I tagged myself as a working mom.

November:

– Same routine. Too many doctors, a light that was pulled out all of a sudden, a bestfriend’s birthday, back to night shift work. Started with a blog challenge, too, just for the sake of having something written in this blog.

December:

– Company year end party, brothers’ birthdays, long-awaited surgery for my baby,  a reunion, my baby’s first christmas, a baby dedication, a house warming, 7 years in the company. Warm mornings and rainy afternoons and heavy traffic jams in the big metro as well as too many people doing last minute shopping, cold mountain temperature, santa suits, thick jackets, overcrowded city, too heavy traffic jams in the small metro.

Like I mentioned earlier, it was a year of learning. And the greatest thing that I have learned this year is that I never knew that I could love someone without conditions, without hesitation, without rhyme and without reason. My baby captured my heart from the very first time that I have learned of him and I fell in love with him the day that I first laid eyes on him. And no matter what the circumstances he has been and he will be in, he will always have my unconditional love.

I was too wary of loving people to be honest and he is the first person that really captured my heart. Who knew that a little person would be the one? 😀

So, there. Am I looking forward to the next year? I guess so. Being the control freak that I am, I am a bit wary of what the next year would bring. One thing that I have learned this year I guess is that I can no longer be that reckless with anything. I would say, “bring it on!”, but to be honest, I am not that confident in saying that for next year’s challenges. But I am looking forward to a smoother year compared to this year. Hopefully there will be a lot lesser road bumps and a lot more good news instead.

So… well, I guess I couldn’t really help it. Bring it on, 2014! Let’s see what you’ve got! 😛