Breastfeeding vs. Formula feeding
Cloth diaper vs. Disposable diaper
Stay-at-home Mom vs. Working Mom
Co-sleeping vs. Crib
And the list goes on and on and on and on…
Before I got pregnant, I was oblivious to this war going on in the Mommy world. When I got pregnant, I got a glimpse of the options out there. What I didn’t realize was that, those options are creating a huge gap among mothers to the point that one is being bullied because of the choices she made.
Let’s run through the four I have identified above and I will try to give my two-cents for each:
Breastfeeding vs. Formula feeding
A lot of us first-time Moms really want to breastfeed our babies from the time they enter this world until it is time for them to be weaned. We all know the benefits of breastmilk compared to formula milk. We’ve heard the stories, we’ve read the reviews and comparison and all that. For those Moms that were able to breastfeed their babies until they weaned, good job to you! If you are a breastfeeding advocate, good for you as well. Us Mommies who had to give up breast feeding for whatever reasons (medical reasons for one), we envy you. Truly. You didn’t (don’t) have to spend thousands on formula milk every month and you always get the bonding moment with your babies during feeding time.
However, let us not bully those Moms who had to formula feed their babies. Why? Because you don’t know the reason why they have to. All the arguments I’ve read online always say something about it being the Mom’s decision because she didn’t want to breastfeed for fear of having saggy boobs after. Seriously. I planned to breastfeed my baby for as long as I could before I gave birth to him. I was glad that I was able to do so even if it was only for less than two months. Given all his hospitalization during the first month, I was asked by the pedia to stop breastfeeding first to isolate my breastmilk as a cause of his diagnosis. Unfortunately, I was never able to get back to breastfeeding after all those hospitalization because I had to go back to work (my maternity leave was over). I had no choice but to formula feed because we had to monitor his milk intake (we even had a chart of his consumption per day) to make sure that he was getting the nourishment he needed. There are also Moms out there who have inverted nipples. I actually don’t know how that works but from what I’ve been told, if you have inverted nipples, breastfeeding is painful. While others may have high pain tolerance and will endure the pain while breastfeeding just so they can breastfeed, there are also Moms who are unfortunate not to have that kind of tolerance and the pain is excruciating for them. These are only a couple of reasons but I do know that there are a lot more out there. No matter how much we want to breastfeed, we just couldn’t. And don’t every say that these are only excuses not to. If there is one thing in the world that we wanted to have done right, it would be breastfeeding.
So, if someone asks about which formula is better, please do not insist on breastfeeding because more often than not, it pains the mothers who cannot and sometimes, it is insulting. If a mother asked which breastmilk is better: warmed or cooled, then go ahead and discuss all you want about breastfeeding techniques and all that stuff. Formula feeders respect breastfeeders. I think the same respect should be given vice versa.
Cloth diaper vs. Disposable diaper
O.M.G. The lengths of conversations I’ve read about this. From what I know, I was cloth diapered as a baby. My brother, too. My sister as well as my youngest brother used cloth diaper and disposable diaper alternately. I remember pricking my youngest brother with the large pin, too, when I was young and trying to change his diaper.
With my son, I planned to alternately use cloth diaper and disposable diaper. But given that I gave birth in the mountain city in August when it is the middle of the rainy season, we went with disposable diaper instead. Why? Because it takes effort to wash and let dry the cloth diapers when you are in the mountain city without a proper dryer. Given that I am a single Mom, my Mom and my sister are the ones helping me out. My Mom has a job and my sister has her own business and asking them to handwash my son’s dirty nappies will take a lot of time. One of my officemate decided to cloth diaper and she was able to make it work. She washed while her husband looks after the baby. Something that is not going to be very feasible for a single working Mom to do.
Stay-at-home Mom vs. Working Mom
This war will never end, I guess. This is the one argument that has gone too far, in my opinion, to the point that there are bullying happening already.
For a single mom, staying at home to take care of kids is not as feasible as it seems. I mean, we have to work to earn money to buy the things our babies need, pay the bills, and buy food. If you have millions stashed somewhere and you think you will never run out of funds no matter what, good for you. But the majority of us needs to work for a living. Given the expensive cost of living these days, even couples have to work to make ends meet.
Sometimes I really do think that some of those SAHMs are just bitter because they are not working/earning their own money and has to depend on their partners/families to provide. That’s why they bully those working moms trying their best to manage work and home time. While SAHMs complain about doing all the chores and taking care of kids day in and day out, I – as a single working mom with a son living 200+kilometers away from me – envies those SAHMs who gets to spend the whole day everyday with their kids. I think other working moms feel the same, too. They spend 8-10 hours at work and only get to spend a few waking hours with their kids. At least they still get to spend time with them daily. What about those OFW Moms?
Co-sleeping vs. Crib
Before I gave birth, I asked my Mom to look for cribs for my baby. I was planning on buying one but we were also concerned about the space. We didn’t have space in the house. I ended up co-sleeping my with baby. I was really scared because I might roll over him while I slept. Fortunately, I didn’t. Almost, but not quite. And for that first month, co-sleeping made it easier to feed him him the wee hours of the morning. I didn’t have to get out of bed to go pick him up. My son started sleeping in a crib when he turned a year old because we were trying to teach him not to “swim” on the bed while sleeping. LOL! Whenever he’s with me though, we co-sleep. 😛
To be honest, I really don’t see any reason for mothers out there to fight over which option is better. One likes to breastfeed while one opted to formula feed. So what? The question is, are both mothers trying their best to provide the best nourishment for their babies? I would think so.
Who fights over cloth diaper and disposable diaper that can really, truly provide a reasonable and logical answer that will convince one to choose? There will always be a “but…” for every point you dish out either way.
SAHM and working mom? Ugh, this argument really is getting old. Seriously, Moms, grow up, will ya?
We can always plan the way we would like to project ourselves as Moms but sometimes, circumstances doesn’t allow us to put our ideal into reality. There’s no need to create disputes and gaps just because we think we are better than others. We do not know what each Moms have to go through to reach to a decision so we do not have the right to criticize them for making a decision so against our own so-called “principles”.
I still have a lot of things that I would like to really say about these Mommy wars but to sum it all up – These mommy wars are so petty that those participating in it are like kids fighting each other but with the same goal in the end. Get what I mean?
I really do hope that these wars end soon and maybe re-start the old school way of doing things – creating a community of mothers who help each other regardless of the options they took. Let’s make mommyhood easy for all of us, okay?
