Countdown Terminated

Z was supposed to be admitted at the hospital today. However, the surgery was postponed until further notice. Hence, countdown terminated. 

As per the pedia-ophthalmologist’s instructions, we went back to the pedia-cardiologist last Wednesday for final clearance. Before that, we consulted with my son’s pedia for routine check up and to give her an update on the preparation for surgery. His pedia gave an order for a chest xray just so to be on the safe side as well. She said that it is better to ensure that nothing will hinder the surgery from pushing through. She also requested to do several blood tests.

Z didn’t complain but he was about the x-ray procedure. He just didn’t want being restrained. The blood sampling didn’t go so well, though. My son cried while taking his blood for the CBC, PT and PTT tests. His blood is literally thick it was not really easy to get it to flow. The doctor took blood samples from Z’s feet as she had a hard time finding a vein on both his arms. He was pricked twice – once on each foot.

Afterwards, we met with the cardiologist. She made another routine check and advised that she will issue the clearance once she saw the xray results. She said that she will go directly to the lab to take a look at it.

We went home tired afterwards. I had a nagging feeling that the surgery will not push through as scheduled. At the same time, I was hoping and praying hard that things will be normal and that we can proceed. I took a nap since I haven’t had any decent sleep for the past few days already.

I checked my phone for messages as soon as I woke up. Lo and behold, I got one. And it came from the cardiologist. The dreaded news arrived. She referred us to a pedia-pulmonologist because they found spots on Z’s right lung. I was about to reply to her message when I got a phone call from my son’s pedia. She explained to me what the best steps to take.

Disheartened with the news, I played with Zaine before I prepared for work on Wednesday night. I think I just went through the motions of work, waiting for the time to go home. I took a short nap as soon as I got home before preparing for another consultation with the pedia-pulmonologist. (Yes, our list of doctors is becoming longer.)

With not enough sleep for several days, feeling tired and frustrated, I think I almost lashed out at the pedia-pulmonologist during consultation. She said that my son has pneumonia. Then she said it could be microscopic particles caused by reflux. My brain might not have been working fast that time but I was still able to digest the fact that she was not sure if it was indeed pneumonia. I do remember trying to argue but for some reason, I was able to stop myself from further questioning the good doctor. She gave a prescription for antibiotics that my son would need to take for the next two weeks. And I think a couple more for the reflux.

This morning I called the hospital to cancel the room reservation and the pedia-ophthalmologist’s secretary called to check on the reason for cancellation. It was my fault that I was not able to relay to her as I fell asleep this morning.

I was frustrated with the turn of events. I still am. Being logical about it, I know that it is better to postpone the surgery and make sure that my baby’s lungs are all clear before proceeding, but the two weeks delay is becoming detrimental to my son’s visual development. The longer we delay the surgery, the more that my son’s vision will suffer.

Having no control with the situation is making me mad, truth to be told. We are running against time but time is making us wait. And it is really, really frustrating that there is nothing else I could do but wait.

Every time we get closer to having an end to this, whatever you call this, we get pushed back and we are being pushed back big time.

This delay is putting me on the edge and I don’t know how long I could keep my cool in this situation. Telling me that everything will be fine is no longer comforting, rather it irks me all the more because every time something happens, it doesn’t happen for the better. It always becomes a dreaded event.

I guess what I need now is someone to tell me exactly what I need to expect, when things will be done, what needs to be done and how long before this thing ends. And if I see those happening, that will be the only time that I can say, “I feel a little bit better”.

Countdown terminated until further notice.